Monday, Feb. 24, 2003, 6:44 AM
In the past 2-3 weeks of my up and down attempts at quitting binging and purging I have gained.....10 pounds.
I know that I keep saying "Damnit, I am starting over tomorrow, I am going to restrict and lose weight.", but I think this reality check has finally pushed me over the proverbial edge.
I have to lose weight. I have to stop purging. The only answer is to say FUCK to everything and just stop eating. If I absolutely will positively not be able to handle the hunger - then I get broth. Tea. egg whites or turkey. Back to the basics. No more of this trying to be creative crap, because it always turns into a binge. So I strip away all of my options, and I strip away all of my fat.
This morning I am drinking water.
I swear I am never binging and purging again. I am never, ever going to be this fat again. NEVER.